


a kiss (is just a kiss)

by readythefanons



Category: Daredevil (TV)
Genre: 5+1, M/M, THE ADVENTURES OF ID AND SUPEREGO, be cool murdock, foggy feels a lot, kind of, matt thinks too much
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-25
Updated: 2015-10-25
Packaged: 2018-04-28 00:05:06
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,219
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5070157
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/readythefanons/pseuds/readythefanons
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>(...but that's more than one kiss.)</p><p>Foggy has a history of kissing Matt. Platonically! This may or may not drive Matt crazy.</p>
            </blockquote>





	a kiss (is just a kiss)

**Author's Note:**

> Originally posted on the kinkmeme: http://daredevilkink.dreamwidth.org/5006.html?thread=9687694#cmt9687694  
> With thanks to the prompter, and the nice people who commented over there.

The first time it happens, they’re drunk, and it’s on the top of his head.

They’ve just made it through their first semester midterms, and they are celebrating by taking it out on their livers. 

The air’s got that chill that says fall is turning to winter. They’re sitting on a bench and Matt is laughing—giggling, really—at some stupid story about Foggy’s cousin who tried to convince him she was psychic. At some point during the night Matt went from a hand in the crook of Foggy’s elbow to slumping against Foggy with his jaw on Foggy’s shoulder. Foggy’s arm is around Matt’s back and his hand is resting on Matt’s arm. 

“Hey, do you have any cousins?” Foggy asks. Matt tries to shake his head without dislodging it from Foggy’s shoulder and does a weird head bobble. 

“Not that I ever met,” he says. “Never met my mom’s family, or my dad’s brother. I think maybe I have one or two cousins.” His grief for his dad is a ghost kept at bay by the steady beat of Foggy’s heart and the warmth of his company. Another night he’d feel guilty, but tonight’s a good night.

“You can have some of mine,” Foggy offers expansively. “Especially Brian.”

“I don’t want Brian,” Matt says. “He used to call you a pork belly.”

“Eh, pork belly’s delicious,” Foggy says dismissively. Matt laughs, and then realizes maybe he’s laughing a little too hard? Like, Matt can hear how that sounds kind of suggestive, but Foggy seems like he didn’t mean it that way and, um, wow, Murdock. Get it together. Why would you even think about that. “Oh!” Foggy sits up, jostling Matt. “Matt, you gotta come home with me sometime, my mom does the _best_ pork belly bowl. You need to try it.”

“Pork belly bowl?” Matt repeats. He pats Foggy’s shoulder and then puts his head back on it. Then he sort of mashes his face into Foggy’s shoulder. He doesn’t want the side of his face to get cold. Yup. 

“Yeah, man, it’s like… well it’s a bowl—okay, stop laughing—it’s not really like a dish, you know, it’s just food. But it’s a bowl and it’s got pork belly and beans and rice and onions. It’s amazing, man.”

“Sounds amazing,” Matt says, although to be honest he wasn’t really listening to Foggy’s words. Foggy’s heart is so happy sounding. He didn’t know hearts could sound happy until he met Foggy.

“It is,” Foggy assures him. He squeezes Matt around the shoulders and drops a kiss into Matt’s hair _peck_ just like that. Matt’s brain maybe kind of shorts out for a second, but Foggy continues on obliviously, “You’re not going to believe how good it is.”

\--

Okay, whatever. It’s not like Matt doesn’t get any action. Maybe he’s not in as high demand as Foggy thinks he is, but Matt’s not exactly lacking in eager partners. But Matt admits that there’s a difference between _gettin down and doin the do_ , as Foggy once (memorably) put it, and intimacy. That that’s probably why Matt can’t stop thinking about it. 

It’s not like he thinks about it all the time, for the record. He doesn’t. He just maybe thinks about it more than he expected to. 

He definitely thinks about it more than Foggy. As far as he can tell, Foggy might not even remember it. Foggy certainly isn’t acting any differently around Matt, which Matt had kind of expected. Matt’s probably just making a big deal out of something that’s nothing. Be cool, Murdock.

And then one day they’re in their room talking—Matt’s telling Foggy about how one of the girls in his class corrected the professor about something just before Matt got to, and she basically said everything he wanted to say but better, and Foggy’s making noises of agreement like he’s actually interested in Matt’s stupid story—when Foggy’s phone buzzes and he pulls it out of his pocket.

“Crap, I have a study session,” Foggy says with genuine regret. He slips his phone back in his pocket and kisses Matt on the cheek. 

They freeze.

“Wish me a good study session!” Foggy says with manic cheerfulness, jumping back like Matt’s a basket of adders.

“Happy studying!” Matt says, equally maniacal. He bends unnecessarily over his book and listens to Foggy grabbing his coat and bag. The door closes behind Foggy and Matt slumps back in his chair. Heck.

\--

It happens two more times. Once on the cheek and once on the top of Matt’s head. Matt doesn’t realize it’s going to happen until it’s happening. It’s not something Matt expects, so all he has to work off of are cues from Foggy. Foggy doesn’t give off any cues Matt can read because Foggy (this is all conjecture) doesn’t know when he’s about to kiss Matt. It just happens. Spontaneously. Like he’s just so full of affection (for the world at large, obviously) that he just has to let it out in the form of kissing whoever is closest, even if that’s Matt Murdock. Probably happens all the time. (And no, Matt doesn’t get annoyed at the image of Foggy randomly kissing people. That would be weird. He gets. Concerned. For Foggy’s wellbeing, obviously. Some people might misinterpret it, is all.)

And then it stops happening, which would be a good thing (and only a good thing, right, Murdock?) except that now instead of kissing Matt he sort of starts to lean in and then stops. 

The first time he leans in and stops, he sort of just—hovers with his mouth above the back of Matt’s neck. Matt’s senses mean that he can just barely feel Foggy’s breath brushing the bottom of his hairline. And then Foggy leans back out of Matt’s space and continues the conversation like nothing happened. And if Matt didn’t know any better, he’d think nothing _had_ almost happened.

Except for how Matt’s maybe half hard what the hell.

Kidding. Matt knows. He knows he’s maybe got the hots for his roommate. Denial can only get a man so far.

(Too bad he held onto it long enough for Foggy to decide that Matt’s straight. Foggy also probably thinks Matt’s got some no-homo thing going on, since Foggy only ever talks about hot girls even though Matt _knows_ Foggy isn’t interested in only girls.)

Anyway, Foggy goes from spontaneously and unexpectedly kissing Matt to spontaneously having his heartrate speed up and swallowing around Matt. And sometimes licking his lips. It’s. Distracting. That’s probably the best word for it. 

The kisses were nice. They were affectionate and stuff. (“And stuff” is code for “kind of a mindfuck because the last person who spilled affection all over Matt has been dead since he was a boy.”) The swallowing and licking (get it together, Murdock) has its charm, but it’s really not the same.

Anyway, if Matt’s going to get Foggy to maybe go back to the spontaneous kissing, and he’s not saying that that’s necessarily his goal here, he should probably address the no-homo crap first.

Bringing a guy home would be the obvious choice, but the obvious choice is not always the right one. Working it naturally into conversation is probably the way to go. Matt’s got a plan. Next time Foggy makes some comment about Matt and hot girls, just say something casual about “not always girls.” Simple. 

Except they’re walking across campus and Foggy makes an interested noise. (Matt’s not sure if the noise would be audible to anyone but him, but that’s neither here nor there.)

“What’s up?” Matt asks.

“Looks like it’s Out Week,” Foggy says. “Someone’s got a table set up coming up on the right. Looks like they might have swag. Can we?” Matt shrugs, his heart speeding up a bit.

“Sure.” 

They stop by the table, which has two students sitting at it.

“Want a sticker?” one of them says. 

“Yeah,” Foggy says. To Matt, he says, “They have all kinds. There’s the pride rainbow in a rectangle and a triangle. There’s the rainbow with the school logo, and another with the lion. There’s the bi flag, which is purple, blue, and pink. There’s a blue, white, and pink one. Which one’s that?” Foggy asks.

“Trans pride,” says the second of the people behind the table.

“Nice. And… asexuality?” Foggy says. Both people nod. “Asexuality,” Foggy repeats. “It’s black, gray, white, and purple. You guys have a lot of stuff.”

“Some of it was donated,” the first persons says. It sounds like they’re smiling. 

“Some of it we bought,” adds the second person, also smiling. “Help yourselves.”

“Yeah. Um, I’d like this one,” Foggy says. He grabs—something. All Matt can tell is that it’s rectangular. “Do you want anything, Matt? There’s some that say al—”

“Is there any pan pride stuff?” Matt asks in a rush. 

“Right here,” says person two, neatly breaking up what might have turned into an awkward pause. They hold up a sticker and seem at a loss as to what to do with it. Foggy presses it into Matt’s hand. 

“It’s pink, yellow, and blue,” he narrates. “Pretty. The blue’s kind of a bright, medium-tone.” Matt smiles and tucks the sticker into a pocket. They exchange a few more words with the table people, Foggy grabs a few more stickers, and Matt and Foggy continue to lunch.

\--

They don’t talk about it. Matt doesn’t bring it up because he might maaaaybe have ulterior motives if he did bring it up, and that makes him awkward. Also, being the blind orphan raised by nuns with secret abilities (Matt had secret abilities, not the nuns) (well, probably not the nuns, as far as he knows) (although if he knew about them they wouldn’t exactly be secret) (get it together, Murdock) doesn’t really prepare a guy for unpacking his baggage and talking about his feelings. Matt once heard (he literally can’t help overhearing people most of the time; does it still count as eavesdropping?) one of the girls in the dorm ask her roommate “Hey, how do you conceptualize your sexuality?”—which, what? And then they had a long discussion about sex and gender and romantic and sexual attraction that didn’t culminate in any epiphanies but did lead to multiple professions of specifically platonic love. The girls down the hall are a bit weird. At any rate, it’s not a conversation Matt can imagine instigating. And Foggy’s probably not going to instigate it, based on the following observation:

Foggy keeps talking only about hot girls. Apparently the girl who corrected the professor in Matt’s class is extra hot, and also there’s someone named Marci who gives Foggy “fear boners.” Matt knows exactly what that means. He still asks Foggy what that even means because (a) listening to Foggy sputter and become mock-defensive is one of life’s great joys and (b) Matt maybe, kind of, pathetically wants to hear Foggy talk about things that induce boners. Get it together, Murdock, that’s just sad. Also weird. And possibly masochistic.

So life goes that way for a while. Matt spends a lot of time in his own head (not new, but the subject matter is) and Foggy talks about hot girls. Obviously other things happen in that time. They go to classes, Foggy and Matt go to parties, Matt spends a lot of time in the library and Foggy spends an equal amount of time studying _with_ people (madness), Matt enjoys Foggy leading him around even though he doesn’t need it, and so on. Foggy keeps almost-kissing Matt. (It’s not always boner-inducing, but Matt does start spending more time hitting punching bags because there’s only so much anticipation/hope/sexual tension a man can take.) 

At some point Matt realizes that maybe Foggy thinking Matt’s a straight no-homo kind of guy isn’t the problem. Maybe Foggy’s the no-homo guy. Maybe he’s closeted. Maybe he’s so far in the closet he thinks he’s straight. Maybe he’s actually straight. There’s nothing Matt can really do about any of those. Matt decides to chill out. Let Foggy be Foggy and stop worrying about the people with whom Foggy does or does not want to do the do.

\--

Turns out it’s not as easy to ignore a crush as just deciding not to think about it. Shocking.

\--

Anyway, Matt is invited to Thanksgiving at the Nelsons. There’s a lot of hugging involved. Matt loves it, and hates that he’s an awkward human being when it comes to receiving gestures of affection. Fortunately, the Nelsons as a whole correctly interpret his pink cheeks (thanks, pale skin) and awkward smile (he knows it’s awkward even if he doesn’t know what it looks like) to mean “wow I really like this but I don’t know how to express myself?” There is also homemade cranberry sauce, and two kinds of mashed potatoes, and three kinds of stuffing. And two kinds of gravy. It’s a good weekend. When they’re leaving, Foggy’s mom gives Foggy a big hug and a kiss, and then gives Matt a hug and a kiss, and then it’s everybody’s turn to give everybody a hug and kiss. 

At the end of the whirlwind, Foggy taps Matt on the arm and says, “C’mon, buddy, you can’t leave me out!” Matt leans in for the kiss immediately, but the action is interrupted by Foggy going in for the hug. Matt sort of half-kisses Foggy’s ear, and then Foggy squeezes Matt and smacks him a kiss right on the lips. (Good thing he was already pink from the extended all-Nelson hugfest. Thanks, pale skin?) Then there’s a reiteration of the hug-frenzy, and Matt and Foggy eventually make it out the door. Matt tries really hard not to feel cheated.

\--

It didn’t even count as a kiss, really.

\--

But it was on the lips. And now Matt knows Foggy’s lips are exactly as soft as he may have (he’s not admitting to any speculation, even in the privacy of his own brain) suspected they were.

\--

Shortly afterwards, Foggy starts up his unlabeled thing with Marci. Matt tries really hard not to be anywhere he can hear Foggy having sex, but it’s difficult. Matt’s hearing is really good, okay? He listens to a lot of music. 

Matt sort of vaguely expected to feel happy when ( _if,_ Murdock, what’s wrong with you?) Foggy and Marci called it off, but then they actually do and Matt’s not happy at all. Matt’s not happy because Foggy’s not happy—but Foggy’s trying to be happy and that just makes it worse. Matt can hear it when Foggy tries to sound happy, and he can hear it when Foggy lies. He says, “We were never serious,” or, “I never expected it to last,” and, “We’re better off apart.” His heart says _lie, lie, lie._ Foggy never actually cries, but Matt can hear it when Foggy’s breathing gets tight, and he can hear how much Foggy sighs when he thinks no one could hear him. 

(If this is what Foggy is getting at when he sometimes refers to Matt’s fake smiles as “trainwrecks,” Matt gets it. He’s not going to stop, but he gets it.)

And then, Lord have mercy, Foggy starts talking about getting back in the saddle and putting himself out there. And he does. Word of Foggy’s sexual prowess starts to spread (admittedly not very far, but the girls—and only girls—he hooks up with think highly of his performance). 

And _then_ Marci and Foggy start it back up again. (The Lord clearly wasn’t listening. Or maybe He’s punishing Matt for being a creep who eavesdrops on people’s hearts. But He probably just wasn’t listening, since why would He punish Foggy, too?) 

(It’s around this time that Matt starts going to confession again, partly to atone for coveting and avarice and taking the Lord’s name in vain and generally being a smart-talking shit, but mostly because he could use the guidance. He has too many thoughts sometimes.)

Matt tries not to notice that Foggy never almost-kisses him anymore.

\--

That’s honestly how it goes for the rest of Law School. Foggy dates casually (whatever that means) and Matt hooks up with people, and they never act on the simmering passion Matt suspects they’re both experiencing. (Not that he would ever in a million years describe it thusly, even if years later he and Karen get super wasted. Nobody can prove a damn thing.) (Thank God for the state of being blackout drunk, which is not something he ever expected to think, even if he was blackout drunk when he thought it.) 

They land the internship at Landman and Zack together, which could be interpreted as a sign that they’re meant to be together. (Not that Matt does.) 

(Okay, on the day they get the news, they celebrate by taking it out on their livers, again, and Matt maybe slurs something to that effect to Foggy. Foggy, instead of having some sort of drunken love epiphany, responds by grabbing Matt’s hand, trying to kiss him but only catches the corner of Matt’s mouth, and then burping so hugely he loses his balance.

(Matt didn’t even realize a man could lose his balance from burping.)

Some of the other interns joke that Matt and Foggy should just get married already since they spend so much time together. Matt ignores them. Foggy jokes that they’re looking for a free show and ignores them. They joke about their fellow interns’ lack of entertainment. It’s nice.

Their fellow interns (possibly led by Marci, but Matt has nothing but hearsay) amuse themselves by pinning up mistletoe for the nondenominational holiday party. Since Matt “can’t see the mistletoe,” and he generally lets Foggy lead him everywhere, they get caught under it in no time at all. 

“Oh, mistletoe,” Foggy says. Matt can hear his heart speeding up. “There’s a sprig right above us, buddy.”

“Ah, well, ‘tis the season,” Matt tells him. He feels around for Foggy’s face (his thumb is on Foggy’s forehead, and he thinks he can feel Foggy’s eyebrows going up) and pulls him in for a kiss. No tongue, just a seasonal peck. A Christmas kiss. The other interns hoot and clap, and Matt pulls back and smiles in Foggy’s face. “Happy Christmas,” he says.

“It’s not Christmas yet,” Foggy tells him, but he’s smiling. They have enough eggnog that their pink faces could plausibly be blamed on the alcohol, and they somehow get caught under the mistletoe eleven more times. Ho ho ho. Happy nondenominational winter holiday.

\--

It becomes a running joke. Which, on the one hand, kind of ouch. Joke. Yikes. But on the other hand, sometimes Matt can provoke Foggy into kissing him. 

He doesn’t try it often. Self-restraint is a virtue. Also, Murdock, don’t be weird. Also because always talking about how Foggy’s not going to kiss him is more than a little obvious. 

But sometimes he just can’t help himself. Like when they win their _first case ever, holy cow_ and Foggy’s heart sounds so happy that Matt wants to record it so he can listen to it all his days. 

Instead of saying, that, though he says, “Careful you don’t kiss me in your exuberance.” (Murdock, does that make any sense?)

Foggy doesn’t have such quibbles, and instead grabs either side of Matt’s face and hauls him in for it. Then he pulls back, beams in Matt’s face, and kisses him again. Matt promises that it’s just going to be the first of many accomplishments side-by-side. Good times.

\--

Then there’s the girl, and Matt lets the Devil out on her despicable excuse for a father. He feels good afterwards, but a prickly sort of good. (He’s not supposed to feel good, is the thing. It’s a _bad thing._ ) So when he walks into L&Z and Foggy asks him what happened to his face, he’s maybe still got too much adrenaline, or he hasn’t completely put away the Devil, or something.

Matt grins (and it’s too toothy, he can feel it), and he says, “You wanna kiss it better?” 

And Foggy… his heart stutters and speeds up. Foggy’s surprised and uncertain. To hide his (disappointment? Shame? Relief?) face, Matt leans his cane against the desk, shrugs off his jacket, and sits at his desk.

Foggy says, “Sure,” and he approaches Matt cautiously. (Like a wounded animal or one with its teeth bared, Matt’s not sure.) He puts a hand on Matt’s shoulder and the other on the back of Matt’s head. Kisses his forehead. His touch is tender. Matt swallows hard. 

\--

It is probably entirely stupid that he literally can’t count the number of times Foggy has kissed him, but they’re still orbiting in a weird “Like bros! Like bros do!” space. 

He never claimed to be smart.

\--

They decide to leave L&Z, strike out on their own. Nelson and Murdock, Avocados at Law. Foggy explains that their partnership is “way more important than a civil union” and Matt just wants to—kiss him, properly. With tongue and everything. But he doesn’t, and the moment passes, and they get their own offices and Matt is _so happy._

\--

Fisk happens.

\--

Matt feels zero desire to compare the period of time when Foggy won’t even talk to him to the period of time right after his dad died but before Stick. It would be like comparing apples made of anguish to oranges made of suffering. Or something. Suffice it to say that both periods are impressively shitty.

\--

He keeps thinking of Foggy saying, “All I ever needed was my friend.”

\--

Also on the greatest hit parade: “All this time I felt sorry for you” and “Was anything ever real between us?” 

And “Are you even really blind?”

And “I would kick your ass, Murdock. Am I lying about that?”

Really everything that Foggy said. 

\--

Also Foggy’s excellent point about how Matt’s illegal activities might send him (Foggy) to jail, too.

\--

Also Foggy leaving.

\--

Everything about that interaction is both terrible and on permanent replay in Matt’s head.

\--

They agree to move forward, tentatively. Matt needs Foggy’s friendship infinitely more than his kisses or anything else.

\--

Oh, also Foggy and Marci start up again. It’s cool.

\--

Fisk goes away for good, and Matt is kind of—reeling. He’s happy, obviously, but he’s waiting for the other shoe to drop. He’s been living in a state of tension (fear, dread) for so long it’s difficult to adjust to life without threat. (‘Man without fear’ indeed.) He thinks Karen feels it, too, but they don’t talk about it. Foggy does to a lesser extent, but he spent much less time in the state of visceral dread than Matt and Karen. Matt knows Foggy might not consider himself spared, but for the extent that Foggy _was_ spared, Matt is secretly, fiercely thankful. 

\--

Eventually Matt readjusts. He’s not exactly living a life without violence, which helps. (He’s aware of the implications of that statement, but he’s in no mood to argue it.) 

And with a new equilibrium established, Matt’s foolish heart goes back to yearning. (Truly, a state of equilibrium.) 

\--

Marci starts her own firm (he’s got a lot of respect for her) and breaks it off with Foggy again. (Foggy seems fine, which saves Matt the trouble of having mixed emotions about Marci.) 

\--

Matt teases Foggy, Foggy teases Matt, and Karen teases both of them. Sometimes Marci comes around and they all make fun of each other. It’s almost perfect.

\--

And then this: one night, at Josie’s, after Karen has gone home. (She’s having brunch with Doris tomorrow.) They won their case. (A paying case, one that Matt procured. Foggy’s so thrilled it’s almost insulting.) (But actually it’s just good.)

Foggy is laughing and they’re reminiscing about college, about their shitty closet-office at L&Z, about Brett’s face when he heard they were starting their own firm. And Matt’s life is setting into a new pattern of normal, and he feels like a person again instead of rage and desperation held together by injuries. Foggy doesn’t stay angry and prickly for the rest of the day whenever Daredevil comes up in conversation, and it’s starting to be something they talk about (obliquely, as much as they ever talk about things like this), and Foggy’s started to tease Matt about the costume and the press coverage. (“’Devil of Hell’s Kitchen,’ honestly,” Foggy said, “I’m rolling my eyes by the way.”)

Matt says, “Remember how you used to kiss me all the time?” (Man without fear indeed.)

Foggy’s breath stutters (surprise, Matt guesses. They don’t talk about this.) and his heart speeds up (fear? Anticipation? Embarrassment?). His voice is surprisingly even when he speaks.

“Haven’t done that in a while,” Foggy says. He’s going for casual, but he misses the mark. Matt breathes in the tension in Foggy’s voice like it’s an offer. (Not a promise, but so much more than nothing.) 

When Matt imagined this moment (and he did, no matter how much might have denied it) he always figured he’d say something witty or clever. He could say “Maybe we’re overdue” or “Would you like to do it again?” But he doesn’t. 

He just leans in. 

(And there is tongue and everything. Not too bad, Murdock.)


End file.
